Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
