dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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