Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize