I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
