I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
