Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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