There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
