just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
