You can't special order awesome
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
