Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
