the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
