All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
