I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
