I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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