i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
