just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
