Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.