Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.