Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
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After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU