yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.