I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".