Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
