My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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