I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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