I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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