Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
