where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
