Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
