Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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