Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
