it wasn't lemon gatorade
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
