omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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