I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
