i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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