My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think i got beer on your cat.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
