he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
