I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
