I need help removing her.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
