One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
