I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
All the doctor said was why
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
