I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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