my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
