I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
