i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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