Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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