Swine flu. Run for my life!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
