HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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