We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
