she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
