I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
