So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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