You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
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He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
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I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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