apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
