Just fell off a train. Bad.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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