i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
