Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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