you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
