So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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