P.S. I can't hear my feet
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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