Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
