If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
