hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
